Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
