I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize