i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
