Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
