Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
