Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
