Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
