tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
