I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
