Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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