just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
