K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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