i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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