All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
