i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
