party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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