he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
