my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
