so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
