it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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