Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
