I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
