It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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