her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize