Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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