He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize