I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
