Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(250): View more from British Columbia

i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.

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(410): View more from Maryland

and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's

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(802): View more from Vermont

Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience

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(360): View more from Washington

Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?

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(225): View more from Louisiana

Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again

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(219): View more from Indiana

How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?

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(812): View more from Indiana

Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon

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(870): View more from Arkansas

There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.

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