I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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