if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize