and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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