my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
