It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
