Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
