The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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