its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
