Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
