Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
