Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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