If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
