Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
