I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
there's paper in my vomit.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He had one of those small greek statue penises
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
