the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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