He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize