Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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