five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
