watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That accounts for only three of the penises
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
