You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Are my feet made of real feet?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
