Michael Bay diarrhea
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
