Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
