I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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