Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize