I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize