Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
