my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
