In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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