Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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