cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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