Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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