Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
