i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
