he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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