Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
