Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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