My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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