The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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