You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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