You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
